Is BDSM Sexual Abuse? An Erotic Subculture
BDSM: an erotic subculture with its spectrum
Is BDSM sexual abuse?
Preface
BDSM is an erotic subculture, and some people think it is a sadistic subculture. BDSM is a general generalization of three concepts: bondage &discipline (B / D), dominance & Submission (D / S) and sadism & Masochism (S / M).
There are some very erotic activities in BDSM that don’t require the help of sexual behavior. For example, binding and display can produce strong pleasure and excitement without involving physical contact and sexual behavior. Although these behaviors will be regarded as unpleasant, undesirable, or unfavorable by most people, BDSM aims to achieve mutual happiness on the premise of mutual consent, based on safe, sane, consensual (SSC), or “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”(RACK).
What is BDSM
BDSM is an “umbrella term” ( broad concept), which covers a wide range of activities, that is, the meaning of “self spectrum” in the title, but they are generally part of sexual arousal or sexual behavior (Neef et al., 2019). The participants (straight, LGBTQ +), the degree of activity (pain, the number of rights transferred), the duration of the contract (all-weather / time-limited), the form of activity (Language/Body), etc. can be very different.
The difference between BDSM and abuse:
Clarisse Thorn, The S & M Feminist, shares her views with BuzzFeed Life, a media company. Most of the time, one is interested in one or two types of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and abuse and masochism, rather than enjoying all of them. Participation in BDSM activities may bring strong excitement and pleasurable, but it does not necessarily involve sexual behavior.
In the clinical practice theory of sex therapist David M. Ortman, the sexual and erotic are distinguished.
Eroticism comes from desire, which is connected with stimulation, expectation, physical and mental involvement; while erotic images and imagination come from primordial feelings, sensations, and experiences, which are abstract, subjective, and playful. But sexuality is concrete, a way of experiencing eroticism, which belongs to the category of objective, physiological, and physical. The core of the BDSM relationship is the dynamic change of rights (rights exchange), and both parties’ willingness is the basis of rights exchange, which is also the fundamental difference between BDSM and slavery because there are no privileges concealed by one party from the other. Some branches of BDSM behavior (such as exposure play) may involve innocent bystanders, so both parties voluntarily rise to the multi-party agreement, or can not affect other people who do not know this behavior.
Generally speaking, people can’t do whatever they want in BDSM, but they can unconditionally refuse what they don’t want to do.
[READ MORE: Talk About BDSM Seriously: The Most Comprehensive Article]
Modern BDSM activities also have some guiding rules, among which the most common are SSC principles conceived by GMSMA in 1983, including safe, sane, and consensual.
“Safe” means not causing injury or physical damage;
“Sane” delimits the boundary between reality and fantasy, and limits “power exchange” to BDSM activities;
“Consensual” emphasizes that both parties shall discuss before BDSM activities and abide by the boundaries in the process.
It is worth noting that whether BDSM can meet the above three conditions is controversial. Some people think that there is no absolute security in the world. “Reason” is a word with subjective meaning because it is generally difficult to judge whether a person is in a state of reason. In this context, the birth of the Risk-accepted Consensus Kink (RACK) principle, not rigidly bound to ensure 100% security.
(it should be noted that in law if physical injury is caused, the consent of the other party cannot be your defense.)
There are several basic identities in BDSM: S corresponds to the abuser, M corresponds to the masochist, pursuing physiological pleasure; DOM is the dominator, SUB is the subject, exploring spiritual pleasure.
TOP is the person who performs the action, not necessarily DOM or S; BOT is the person who receives the action, opposite to the meaning of TOP. Also, there are “naughty” BRAT, flexible SWITCH, and so on.
“Dominance” is a state of mental or physical control over the other party in the relationship of power exchange. On the contrary, “Submission” is to transfer the power of personal control of body and spirit to the “Dominator”. The power conversion of “Dominance” and “Submission” will be agreed upon in both parties’ oral or paper contracts to determine the time and intensity of “power conversion” in the relationship.
In BDSM, which is generally agreed by both parties, “Sadism” refers to the way to obtain pleasure by exerting pain or seeing others being inflicted pain. “Masochism” refers to the pleasure of being inflicted pain or insult. Sadism and masochism are still used to refer to mental illness and psychopathological models in mental science and medicine. However, in the BDSM Community, abusive and masochistic representatives can bring strong pleasure, sensual, and catharsis activities with mutual agreement.
As mentioned above, BDSM does not necessarily include the above three modes. For example, tethering includes binding and adjustment but does not include “dominance” and “submission” (there is room for debate on the specific implementation, but there is a wide grey area in the scope and definition of BDSM in general). In terms of identity, although the role-playing will change with different scenes, the identification of DOM or sub is more difficult to change. In actual cases, there are situations where people enjoy different scenes and roles, so they can’t determine whether they are DOM or SUB. therefore, DOM / SUB may also be switched, which will change the identification.
A 2019 study by sexual medicine found that more people may have BDSM experiences or BDSM related sexual fantasies (binding, whipping, etc.) than you think. They compared seven previous studies and found that 3% to 12% of the respondents had BDSM behavior in the past year, and 30% to 60% of the respondents had BDSM related sexual fantasies. Of course, due to the particularity of the BDSM topic, sexual shame, different design terms of the questionnaire, the research results will have some deviations.
There are various forms of BDSM in popular culture. Fifty Degree Grey is probably the most famous BDSM related work in public cognition. The 2011 song S & M of Rhianna aims to make people full of confidence in their identity. Its lyrics (sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips exact me) and MV all contain BDSM elements, such as latex clothing, animal acting, whipping, movement restriction (tape sticks people on the wall), binding, etc.
The driving force of BDSM’s neutrality comes from the eroticization of power, so as to obtain sexual and erotic excitement, and the erotic allure comes from the power gap.
In BDSM activities, the active observation of sexuality means that the inspected party has more control and power, while the observed party is in a state of losing power. In the BDSM activities agreed by both parties, the Party of inspection has more power, the Party of active observation can materialize the party with less power into the object of lust and romance, and the party with powerlessness can arouse the desire of the other party more because it makes the other party feel more vulnerability and weak illusion.
For the less powerful party, the degree of the other party’s sense of power and the sexual attraction between the two parties comes from their trust in the other party and the process of power transfer, plus the other party’s perception of their vulnerability, so the less powerful party gets in control and possession of power.
In the relationship between the two parties to fulfill the contract, the “Dominator” is not in the state of giving up power completely as the outside world seems. In the relationship between the two sides, one is through active observation, the other is through the display to enhance the desire of both sides. Whipping and handcuffing are activities that involve binding and striking the body. In BDSM, there are also power expression and catharsis between human and human. A branch formula can touch and punish the receiver, but the receiver often does not have the same power. However, when the SUB uses endurance to withstand the attack of DOM (or “host” in the game), it is just like the other party proving his value and use, and “pain” is the medium to express the impact and catharsis of power (this article will not elaborate on the use of pain and pain to show the individual’s submission to authority, or the sacrifice of spiritual ideal and authority commitment).
The general principles agreed by both parties can distinguish the power eroticization and general infringement in BDSM. The eroticism of power is still controversial. Is there any relationship between stimulating attraction and power structure? Is it reasonable to show power in the way of eroticism in the relationship with people? Is the eroticism of power equal to violating the physical and mental boundaries of others, belittling the personality of others, and not being understood, and accepted in social values?
In the past, mental illness was diagnosed in the statistical manual, and there was no clear demarcation between BDSM behavior and mental illness. The court also took “participating in BDSM activities” as one of the reasons for depriving children of custody. As a result, BDSM is often associated with many stigmatized impressions, resulting in only 10% of BDSM participants being honest about their hobbies (2015, USA). Green’s 2001 study found that women with lower levels of sexual liberation were more likely to associate BDSM with these stigmatized images. Public policy exacerbates this stereotype, because “many policymakers don’t know how to evaluate SM behavior that both sides agree with.”.
Modern BDSM is a hobby. In the end, there are many examples of being humiliated and unfairly treated in the process of making friends to achieving good results. Because of space, I don’t give a specific introduction here. It should be noted that BDSM friends, like any other interests, are more concerned with “the same interests, ideas and concepts”, because eroticism only focuses on “the lower body can be mortise and tenon with each other”, which may result in a scam and a blackout.
[READ MORE: BDSM And Sex: Society, Psychjology, History]
Thoughts on the feeling/circle of BDSM culture
I first came into contact with “BDSM” through written works. Attracted by the honest expression of desire and the erotic state, unlike the ordinary little Huang Wen, the BDSM theme will emphasize the game between the establishment of the relationship between the two sides and the desire for power. Although it seems that BDSM literature in Chinese focuses on the worship and idealization of DOM (often with high social power), and weakens the attraction of DOM to SUB and the mutual reinforcement of their relationship.
I have never tried BDSM, but I am fascinated by the way of “erotic power”. First, the connection between sex and personal desire is a way for young people to explore themselves and know themselves. Second, when the mainstream does not allow “sex for sex”, BDSM provides a rare space for individual desire, relationship, and power flow. I can feel the rigidity of power in the relationship between men and women under the general binary relationship. The woman is more passive and more vulnerable to the man. The woman herself has less sense of value in the relationship.
However, I don’t know what she, or the other party, or both parties need in the relationship, nor what the nourishing relationship is that helps both parties grow. BDSM is in a seemingly rigid role play, but both sides are looking for the balance of the enjoyment process and sense of value. I don’t know the proportion of pure desire, pure venting, and the establishment of relationship and trust between the two sides, but at least it provides a peaceful desire connection that is often shy of export and the possibility of finding a balance between emotion and power.
At the same time, I can understand that the behavior of trying BDSM may give people a great sense of shame and make people return to their normal life. However, after the individual’s desire is awakened or opened, with the identification of DOM, SUB, or BDSM fans, it is like a lie to return to the original life. BDSM experience is difficult to be accepted by the mainstream at present, but I believe that human desire and identity exploration should not be simply framed by right and wrong, and “normal” and “sick” can not be simply divided according to the mainstream value.
Maybe I’m an amateur myself, and I don’t avoid sex-related topics all the time. If the attempt of BDSM will bring you discomfort and shame, it’s better not to do it after that. Everyone should have the same hobby.
I began to understand SM culture from Fifty Degrees Gray, and later found my love for leather goods and whips. I bought props and explored them with people close to me. The reason why we use the word “explore” instead of “practice” is that we are all just people who want to have some new fun together.
Before each attempt, we discuss the bottom line of both sides, make clear what both sides accept and do, and how to realize the feedback in the process. Maybe it’s because, in the initial exploration, we are all switch (Note: we can switch between DOM and SUB). When we do DOM, we will pay more attention to the other side as a SUB, for example, we will ask for feedback after every spank, to constantly adjust the strength and position.
(personal experience) now we find that besides SSC, what BDSM requires more is mutual trust. In the introduction above, there are some contracts with strangers. However, based on their only experience at present, exploring BDSM together has deepened mutual trust and tolerance, because I know that he will not hurt me by BDSM. In fact, in BDSM behavior, SUB has the initiative in the right transfer, because as long as one party does not agree, BDSM behavior should not continue.
I can almost say that I am a supporter of free will, but I think free will also mean that people who make choices need to be held responsible for all consequences. In the case of BDSM, responsibility should be shared. However, some people think that “informed consent” is only an ideal state, and “informed consent” itself may not be realized. I have also read some negative examples: M was misunderstood and ill-treated, S was questioned by M, and more cases of power inequality, which I also feel very sad about.
But I still want to give a simple example, hoping to at least reduce the misunderstanding of SM. “Spicy” food does not taste, but chemical substances stimulate cells, in the brain to produce burning general pain. For people who don’t like spicy food, eating spicy food is a pleasant pain experience, so it’s not so strange to regard pain as pleasure.
Postscript
I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to all the readers who have seen it here. I hope this article can break some circle restrictions and express the idea that “SM in erotic activities in literary works is different from BDSM in reality”. Before I started writing, I was still discussing with my partner about my future attempts, as well as the BDSM bars, parties, parades, performances, and other activities I was going to, so there were still many possibilities to explore, and I also had a lot to learn.
This article does not elaborate on the mechanism of “sadism” and “masochism” and the deeper spiritual significance of pain. First, I don’t know how to use words to describe it more openly and rationally without experiencing it. Second, BDSM needs the trust and commitment of both sides. I have also seen the experience of sharing. A male M does not like or enjoy some things that are recognized as M should do. After being forced by a female S, he feels terrible, insulted, and sexually assaulted.
BDSM is still a minority activity, and it is rarely discussed in public. I hope to take this opportunity to share with you our understanding and feelings about BDSM. I also continue to pay attention to this topic. If there is any incomplete correction in this article, or if readers have related wonderful sharing, please let us know.
Wikipedia believes that the earliest records of BDSM come from Mesopotamian culture. Cuneiform characters record the ceremonies presided over by the goddess Inanna, which embodies the elements of a dominatrix (female as DOM).
