BDSM, DOM SUB, DOM AND SUB: Distinguish The Concept

BDSM, DOM AND SUB, DOM SUB, DS, SM

A scientific article on D / S. Before reading today’s article, please look at the following two questions.

1. Under the premise of trust, when a has psychological pleasure because of obeying B’s orders, which kind of BDSM does the relationship between a and B belong to?

2. Under the premise of trust, when a is forced to do certain behavior by B, which kind of BDSM does the relationship between A and B belong to?

You may think these two questions are particularly awkward and confusing, but in fact, they just lead to the topic that I want to talk about with you today, DS and SM in BDSM.

01

The necessity of distinguishing

DOM SUB from SADO MASO

Most people subconsciously use SM as the abbreviation of BDSM. Generally speaking, there are only three roles of BDSM: S, M, and dual attributes.

Others love to learn. They looked it up on Wikipedia and learned about it:

Bondage & Discipline，B/D

Dominance & Submission，D/S

Sadism & Masochism，S/M

…

But if you want to ask him in-depth, he often can’t make clear the difference between SM and DS.

Of course, some sophistication players have more righteous views on their half-knowledge:

“1000 people can understand 1000 hamlets. Why should I understand these rigid definitions? Can I have a good time according to my understanding?”

The key point is that you don’t understand these definitions. Even when you chat, people say you are a sub, but you don’t know the difference between this and what you call m at all levels. It’s bad. So you can have a good time?

First of all, from a macro point of view, it is the methodology of academic research to clearly define groups with the same characteristics and then study their behavior. It also shows that the DS group and SM group have completely different behavioral characteristics. If they are confused, the research will be very confusing.

The Sophists also say:

“What does macro have to do with me? What does academic research have to do with me? I care about myself. “

The micro to an individual is also related. Because DS and SM have different behavior characteristics, if you don’t distinguish them, you will encounter many problems. Suppose a DOM encounters an M and a SUB encounters an S. Although it seems that the active person meets the passive person, the result is likely to be a failed pairing. This kind of wrong pairing seriously reduces your happiness index.

So today I will talk with you about the different characteristics of DS and SM. In the future life, you can clearly distinguish DS and SM by comparison.

[READ MORE: Queer Perspective: Unveiling The Mystery Of BDSM]

02

DOM SUB is more spiritual ,

SADO MASO is more physical

DOM SUB is more inclined to explore the spiritual world in the whole BDSM. It is often said that spiritual adjustment is a kind of DS. In this category, the human body is just a tool to achieve spiritual pleasure.

DON SUB is more emphasis on the psychological level, focusing on the intimate relationship between the two sides. This kind of psychological thing requires DOM and SUB to trust each other absolutely and fully. Although you have been saying “complete trust”, even family members do not trust each other. So it’s easier said than done.

In the DOM SUB relationship, the dominant person’s sense of pleasure comes from a strong sense of control, dependence, and need; the dominant person’s sense of pleasure comes from a sense of control, submission, dependence, and belonging [1 ~ 2].

But SM is different from DOM SUB. In contrast to DS, SM seeks physiological pleasure [1 ~ 2]. If s no longer spanks m, no longer “sadistic” m, then they will separate. Because they no longer meet each other’s needs.

The core of the SM relationship comes from pain, shame, and torture. SM pays attention to the disobedience between the two sides, while DS pays attention to the obedience of sub to dom.

In short, for example, the dominated in DOM SUB produces psychological pleasure by obeying the host, while the abused in SM produces physiological pleasure by forcing the abuser to make specific behaviors.

So far, I believe you have the answer to the question at the beginning of the article.

Besides, SM and DS also include role play, such as identity play (father and daughter, teacher and student, master and slave, or pet play). But the pleasure of people who like DOM SUB mostly comes from the spirit, while the pleasure of people who like SM comes from the stimulation of the actual project to the body.

03

Honor Principle

In the relationship of DS, the most prominent feature is the existence of the principle of honor. This is a necessary condition to judge the DOM SUB relationship, that is, there must be a glory principle between DOM and SUB in DS, but the relationship with glory principle is not necessarily a DOM SUB relationship.

So, what is the Honor Principle?

The glory relationship refers to choosing the explanation that makes the other party enjoy the glory as far as possible in all the ambiguity of understanding.

Example:

For example, in the debate between the two sides, one side cited a wrong example. In the view of the other side, there are several kinds of explanations

A) He’s an idiot

B) The other side is not an idiot, the other side is just a temporary oversight

These are two typical explanations. B is the choice of the Honor Principle.

For another example, if one party makes a mistake in binding and injures the other party, the other party will also think of many explanations

A) The other side’s skill is poor.

B) The other side is not poor in technology, but because he is too tired, he just makes mistakes.

If in a DS relationship, the sub will try every means to choose B, because absolute trust in the psychological level of the DOM SUB relationship is the basis of this intimate relationship. If you choose A, it is bound to destroy this absolute trust.

Let’s use the counter-argument to prove that the DS relationship can’t be realized without the “Honor Principle”.

First of all, in the above example, even if both parties do not regard this option as an offense after one party chooses a, it will also establish a very bad result: that is, if we want to continue this relationship of absolute trust, the communication cost of both parties will rise sharply. When communicating, they should be highly cautious and add numerous explanations and qualifiers. Because one party knows that the other party may think in a bad direction when communication is ambiguous, rather than following the principle of honor. So they have to get rid of all the “unexpected options” and let the other side have no choice.

For example, in the above example, once the “Honor Principle” cannot be followed, I have to make sure that I do not make mistakes in the debate, I have to make sure that I do not make mistakes in the binding, and I have to make sure that I explain clearly when I make mistakes. It’s like, “I have dark circles under my eyes today because I didn’t sleep well yesterday, not because I lost all night playing games.”

In this way, when you have any ambiguity, if the other party ignores the principle of honor, he will use “option A” instead of using the trust to help you make up the excuse. Since he doesn’t have an excuse to makeup, you have to make up the excuse so that the intimate relationship can continue to be intimate; and vice versa, the intimate relationship between the two sides begins to be full of frustration.

Gradually, you will find a problem:

Sub is not a fool. Sub can make up for you, but she doesn’t choose to do so. There are only two possibilities

1. DOM doesn’t meet sub’s expectations, it’s not worth it (you’re not good enough)

2. SUB has ulterior motives and is unwilling to do so (she is not good enough)

Once both parties are aware of this, either they sit down to communicate and negotiate, solve the problem of “she is not good enough” or “you are not good enough”, and then pick up the principle of honor again and continue to enter the DS relationship; or both parties will enter the state of “unwilling to cooperate”, so that the intimate relationship will come to an end.

So far, the proof is over.

In a relationship of complete trust, there must be the honor principle everywhere. You can check with yourself to see if you have triggered the “honor principle” in your relationship with your partner.

In this process, is your relationship more “SM” or “DS”.

The simplest way to distinguish is to ask yourself, “if we don’t have all the means of training, there will be no sex between us anymore, will I still be obedient, recognize this person and feel very satisfied?”

If the answer is “YES”, you are more DOM SUB oriented; on the contrary, you are more SAD MAS oriented.

Of course, DS and SM are not separated and have clear boundaries. The two relationships just have their key points. There is no difference between S / M and D / S. So don’t blame someone for not following the principle of honor. Don’t stick to the principle of honor when you don’t like to do something.

You need to know what you like first. After a long time in the BDSM circle, you will understand that it is never the method of playing that has advantages and disadvantages, but the people.

You might also be interested in: Talk About BDSM Seriously: The Most Comprehensive Article

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REFERENCE:
[2] Marsh A A, Blair K S, Jones M M, et al. Dominance and Submission: The Ventrolateral Prefrontal Cortex and Responses to Status Cues[J]. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 2009, 21(4):713–24.

[1] Richters J, de Visser R O, Rissel C E, et al. Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in bondage and discipline, “sadomasochism” or dominance and submission (BDSM): data from a national survey.[J]. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2008, 5(7):1660–1668.