Angry Sex: Why Is Sex Better Than Usual After A Fight?
What do you do when you quarrel with your wife/husband?
Buy a bag? Buy milk tea? Take the initiative to contract housework?
There’s another option: HAVE ANGRY SEX
There is a word called “make-up sex,” which is often called “angry sex.”.
Sexual behavior has the function of reconciliation and settling disputes, which can be used to distract attention and ease tension.
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Bonobos have the same hobby
You may not have noticed that bonobos think the same way.
Bonobos, or bonobos, have more than 98% of the same DNA as humans and are closer to humans than gorillas. They belong to the “Hominidae” and “chimpanzee genus”.
We face conflict in a very similar way.
“The ancestors of humans and bonobos are likely to prefer sex to fight,” wrote social inequality
Researchers at Emory University have found that sex is also an important way to alleviate conflict in bonobo populations.
After the conflict, to achieve the purpose of comfort and reconciliation, the probability of sexual behavior of adult bonobos will increase significantly, even almost completely based on sex, which is called post-conflict sexual contacts, assisted by some hugs and so on.
This is consistent with the stress alleviation hypothesis: the victims after the conflict will get “sexual comfort contact”, and do not have sex for giving birth to the next generation.
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Why is angry sex better?
After a fierce quarrel, everything seems to be left behind. For reconciliation sex, quarrel seems to be foreplay, followed by wild and satisfying sex.
Why?
The reason may be that the emotions aroused by a fight can be retained until sex.
When a couple of quarrels, they get emotional. If we are afraid of losing the relationship because we love each other deeply, the process of conflict will make us have a sense of distance and fear of losing each other. This sense of threat will activate our attachment system. In order not to lose each other and restore intimacy, we will have a strong motivation to repair the relationship and want to increase intimacy and security between each other.
The study found that after being stimulated by emotional threats — such as imagining a partner falling in love with someone else — people tend to be more interested in their current partner.
READ MORE: ASMR: This Kind Of Sound Can Make You “Climax”
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Although angry sex is good, we should also consider individual differences
A new study published in 2020 tracked 107 newlyweds for half a year using a diary method. The results showed that they reported that the pleasure of sex after the conflict was not strong. However, it can alleviate the negative emotions to a certain extent and reduce the negative impact of conflict on the quality of the daily relationship. In the long run, sex does not affect marital satisfaction.
In other words, couples who often have conciliatory sex may feel better on the day, but on the whole, they are no happier than couples who don’t.
However, the marriage satisfaction of couples with angry sex is higher than that of couples with conflict but no reconciliation sex.
Moreover, the pleasure of angry sex is also influenced by personality
On the one hand, some couples seem to prefer to fight in the living room and switch to the bedroom — maybe it’s a way for them to fall in love with each other again;
On the other hand, some people think that interpersonal conflict and sexual intimacy are incompatible, which will separate the two in marriage.
Write at the end
In general, although angry sex can help couples regain intimacy, it is not advisable to fight for sex (unless you are very confident in your relationship)
Besides, if you have frequent conflicts, this constant threat and insecurity can damage the relationship over time.
The most important thing is to find a way to deal with the inevitable conflict, so as not to hurt the long-term development of marriage.
You might also be interested in: Is A Sex Pervert Who Always Dirty Talking During Sex? 4 Types Dirty Talking
Angry Sex References
[1] Clay, Z., & de Waal, F. B. (2015). Sex and strife: post-conflict sexual contacts in bonobos. In Bonobo Cognition and Behaviour (pp. 67–88). Brill.
[2] Maxwell, J. A., & Meltzer, A. L. (2020). Kiss and Makeup? Examining the Co-occurrence of Conflict and Sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 2883–2892.
[3]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-decisions/201506/the-truth-about-make-sex.
[4]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201302/why-make-sex-and-breakup-sex-are-so-good.
[5]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202012/the-psychology-makeup-sex.
